Since Finley’s cold she has been off. Her sleeping patterns have been off- waking sometimes after an hour or two, multiple times through out the night. We also noticed sometimes it just seemed like she was breathing faster. Finally, last night I thought maybe she was teething since her cold is gone, but she is still not sleeping, so I gave her some ibuprofen and viola- she slept a solid 6 hours straight. I had a Doctor’s appointment already scheduled for today for a vaccination and decided to have the Doctor take a look at her since I knew something wasn’t quite right. Mama gut. Always trust the mama gut.
Lungs sounded clear.
Checked her Pulse Ox- 99% while screaming her little head off.
Ears… Left ear was very inflamed. Hmm… now it makes perfect sense why she would wake right up when you laid her in her crib and she would scream. This may have seemed very obvious to some of you- but mind you, Rowan has NEVER had an ear infection so I just didn’t even think of that. Since she has probably had this already for several days and it has been effecting her sleep, we opted to treat with antibiotics. Also, will be keeping up the ibuprofen for a few days too. I was happy to see she has gained a few more ounces too – even while being sick. She is now up to 20.13…. hoping to finally hit 21 pounds the next time we are weighed!!
It was one year ago today that Finley reherniated and we were back at Emanuel being admitted. I am still in awe when I think back to everything that transpired and how I see God’s hand so evident.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5,6).
I am sitting here wondering what I got myself into. I am scared that I have bit off more than I can chew. I am nervous. I am doubting myself big time. Wondering if I should just bag it.
There is a lot that goes into planning a race.
It was seeming manageable and I am pretty organized. I have a Race Committee (love you ladies). I have a race organizer- who i also love. I have secured my race insurance and almost done with securing the location (Champoeg Park). Now I just came to the decision today that I have to create a non-profit to make this all work. Sponsors probably would be a little leery of writing large checks out payable to little old me. But creating a non-profit? Wow. That’s big. That is what has put me over the edge and is freaking me out a little. I have all these big ideas and things that I would love to do – but the fear of failing is there. If I don’t go all out – it doesn’t seem like this big huge commitment. But, if I have non-profit I could help local CDH families more directly since I just did find out that it wouldn’t be feasible to ear-mark money like that via the local hospitals. I have felt from the very beginning that this is something I am supposed to do… so many things have come together that can only be God.
Me? Organizing a race was one thing… Creating a non-profit seems so much bigger.
I am hoping that this fear and freaking out it because I am going outside my comfort zone and maybe poised to do something really good. We always feel under attack at those times. So I will push forward. But faithful readers and local friends- I will need your help to make all these big dreams a reality. I will need lots of volunteers come race day (8/12/12) and lots of help getting the word out to attract a huge turnout. Not to mention prayer!
And sponsors. Lots of sponsors.
Prayers for clarity and peace right now. Lord, if this is your will – let that be clear to me and give me the strength and knowledge (or bring the right people to me) to make this all a reality.
It is something all CDH mamas dread. We work so hard to keep the nasty cold/flu germs away – but at some point we all lose the battle and our little ones with their varying degrees of fragility become sick. Some of these babies end up back in the hospital, back on oxygen support to help those underdeveloped lungs get over the illness without further injury. Some babies are lucky to get through it rather unscathed. I think we CDH mamas all spend more than the “average” amount of mama time watching our children breathe… looking for retraction, nasal flaring above “normal” for them. We double check – triple check – and check again that they are breathing. I think for me, for a long time it was hard to believe we were so lucky that we were going to be able to keep Finley. I saw so many and still do – that didn’t make it.. why would I be so blessed to be able to take this beautiful baby home and be able to raise her. So part of me thought something terrible would still happen. I think that is partly a PTSD reaction to what we had been through. As time has passed and we are further from our last hospitalization and countless prayers for help with this- it has gotten better. I have gotten to the state where I am thankful for being given today and try to just focus on this day. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring – but we’ll face that tomorrow. In the meantime I am just thankful for where we are. (Ok, I have digressed, but it felt important to share.) One of those blessings is that Finley didn’t get her first cold until 16 months.
I have said that statement several times to the amazement of others. I don’t think even Rowan was cold-free for 16 months – and Finley has the blessing of having an older sibling in preschool. At the first sign of that drippy nose I went on higher alert. Rowan had gotten the cold first- then me, and then Finley started with the drippy nose. By Saturday it had turned into a full cold with a cough, so I took her in to the doctor since I didn’t want her to get worse through out the day and then have our only recourse be the ER on Sunday. The Doctor working that day was not our usual Doctor, but I have seen her before and really like her. She ordered an X-Ray just to be safe to check for early signs of pneumonia. As she said, if something were to go to her lungs it would become bad fast. Since Finley was also due for her CDH follow up X-Rays – it would serve a dual purpose. It was amazing looking at the scans with the Tech afterwards. She said if I hadn’t told her that Finley had CDH (and she didn’t notice the large number of clips, gortex patch, and a gortex plug…) she wouldn’t have known it looking at the size of her lungs. All I can say is Praise the Lord! If that wasn’t the result of prayer, I don’t know what is.. because for Finley to have that much lung when she had a medium sized defect with a whole party of organs in her chest – is just a miracle. This doesn’t mean her lungs are normal “functionally” since all those organs squishing the lungs also effects the development of all those amazing things inside the lungs that do their magic. But given all the positive things we are seeing with her- she is in good shape. On the cold front, her lungs looked beautiful and clear and we were told just to wait it out and watch to make sure it didn’t get worse. Finley has had some extra nasal flaring having to work through the congestion while feeding – but otherwise seems to be faring really well. I just am so thankful for this. I continue to pray that she is able to kick these cold germs as this cold seems to be a bit of a lingerer.
Finley is also 100% walking now. About the last week or so before she turned 16 months she decided it was time and there has been no looking back. Pretty much what I expected – but I am still so amazed by her. Every day. I am so blessed to be the mama to these two girls. As my mom says – the best presents ever.