Dear Finley,

 

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I look at you each day and just pinch myself. You are such a gift. You have such a special soul and really touch those you come into contact with. I can’t imagine a world without you in it. I am a different person because of you. Walking in faith, trusting God didn’t come easy to me. God showed up big time and I hope you someday realize the magnitude of prayers offered for you, and how many truly were answered. I could have easily just spent my life grateful and happy – but God whispered something more into my heart. He made me see that we were blessed to BE a blessing to others. It started as a desire to show hope and love, to be there for others as people were to us, and also raise money to help other families through research, and financial support. A few years down the road, another reason came into light. You see, my sweet darling, someday you will be faced with a choice. You carry within you a 50% chance that your babies will have CDH. That knowledge hurt my heart. You will have to decide either to genetically alter your baby’s DNA to ensure against CDH, or roll the dice. I can’t do much for the choices you will have to face down the road, I will love you no matter what you chose. There is one thing, that I can do and that is to work hard with others to raise money for research so that IF you do have a baby diagnosed with CDH, that we’ve done what we can to improve the odds from the science side of things.

I remember those days, weeks, months waiting for you. Walking that journey with a few other mamas who were also expecting their own CDH fighter around the same time. Ultimately, each of us joined one of 2 “clubs.” The outcomes are improving, as the doctors would say, but still far too many mamas lose their babies. It tears me up each time. I know how close we came.

Some days, I wonder why I am planning an auction, or the race again, and then I stop and look at a photo of you and I smile and remember.. it’s for you. It’s for the mama who doesn’t get to hold her baby. It’s for YOUR future babies. How can I NOT do any of this? You inspire me to be so much more – to dream even bigger. I hope I can do the same.

I love you,

Your mama.