Joy

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Disjointed thoughts…

I started this blog post the other day, and then went down a couple different paths…

Emerson Eggerichs, the author of Love and Respect came and spoke our church last Sunday.  He is a phenomenal speaker, so if you ever have the opportunity to hear him speak – jump on it.  There was so much in his sermon that spoke to my heart – but one concept he brought up that really made me think about our CDH journey is this idea of the ‘wounded healer.” The jist of it is that instead of allowing yourself to be victimized by the things of your past, you use them to help others. I see wounded healers every day in our CDH family. The parents of Angels who are reaching out past their loss to do amazing things in honor of their child, and reaching out to support other mamas as they walk down their CDH path. The parents of Survivors who have their own wounds and pain who also honor their child, help and support others along the way, all the while dealing with the long term aftermath of CDH. All around us their are wounded healers. People who reach out and share their stories of pain and heartbreak to help another in their darkness.  One way that we all use what happened to us for good.  We will never understand the ‘why’ of all of this this side of eternity – but instead of focusing on that we can let go and move forward.  How when we are ‘wounded’ by certain experiences in our life, it allows us to recognize and relate to these ‘wounds’ in others. I agree that it is an honor to be able to pour into another person and support them on their journey.

Finley is 22 months old today. 2 months until her second birthday – and what a birthday it will be!! We will be honoring her with the 1st annual Ladybug Run. Nothing says ‘Happy Birthday” like 200+ people running, walking, and volunteering to raise $$ to help others. I am so excited for this event and am just blown away by how things have just been coming together. I felt like God put this on my heart, but I didn’t know the first thing about putting a race together. But I continue to trust him and felt like if this was the course he meant for us, it would come together and it has. Now we are in the big push to get people registered, and are already at 80 registrations! My goal is 200, which is really good for a first year race.  I am also really excited about meeting some of the other CDH families in the area that I haven’t met yet..  We are planning on a live Ladybug release to honor/remember the Angels and my dear friend Cody is going to  say a prayer.

Finley continues to be such an absolute joy. She says, “love you” and loves giving hugs and kisses. There is such a bright light inside of her. She rocks and bounces her babies and her favorite toys seems to rotate between bear, doggy, and kitty. She loves to pretend she is a kitty or a chicken. Have I mentioned just how funny she is? She continues to be a daredevil and I know this girl is going to live her life without fear – which warms and terrifies my heart.  I am so thankful she hasn’t reherniated again – my hope for her is that she doesn’t have to see the inside of an operating room during her childhood again. I know it is a very real possibility, but I will just trust.  How can I not – look at how far we have come… I get to see evidence of a miracle every day. I can’t forget – or take either of my girls for granted. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. All we have is today. I read another blog yesterday where the mom listed the things she hopes she never forgets which I just loved… here are a few of mine;

baby milk breath

the first time I held them both

the way Rowan watches out and loves her sister

Rowan’s face when she first wakes up and comes out to find me and her sister

how Finley closes her eyes and comes up close and kisses and makes a big MU-WAH sound

the first time I saw Finley without being hooked up to a single machine

sisters holding hands

the sound of their laughs and how it is different at each age

eyes looking to you while nursing and the baby hand on the breast

watching them sleep – at any age.

the feel of them cuddled in my arms.

their smell.. especially baby smells.

the feeling in my heart right now……