Some days I write this word on my wrist. It is something I’m not very good at. I’m not always good at trusting God, let alone other humans. It is something I am in active process at. Last week, when Finley’s puss came back on Monday it felt like God had said no to my prayers. That he wasn’t listening. But, that’s only because I don’t see him working the way I want him to be working.
Please heal Finley – so she doesn’t need surgery.
Please take away all the infection (without surgery).
I see him working in the waiting in many ways, especially on my heart. If we have to go thru the door that I don’t want to go through, it is because HE knows better than to answer my prayer the way I am asking. Yes, he can heal her completely without surgery.. but if that is not what he choses to do – he has a reason. What if my altar of sacrifice is letting Finley go into surgery (or just trusting his will, not mine) and trusting God with the outcome.
I think it is completely reasonable for me (and all of you too!) to keep praying in faith for healing, but I need to let go of it having to look only the way that I want it to look.
My trusting God is that I trust his will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven.
Trusting God that he loves Finley even more than I do.
Which means I can trust his perfect plan for her and me.
As a parent, isn’t this the hardest thing? We want to protect our children from pain. We just want to protect them. Period. If I could take this infection away and for me to have it instead, I would in a heartbeat. And God feels the same way about all of us. On this Maundy Thursday, I reflect on Jesus and his last hours and the sacrifice he would make for all.
Trust is a verb. It is an active process. Much like waiting.
Do I truly trust God with the outcome?
I am working on it. I have no control in this situation. There is not a single thing I can do, except trust and have faith. Nothing to do, except the hardest thing to do. I’ve been here before. Apparently, I didn’t learn the lesson entirely.
Right now I have peace, and I know where it comes from.
Finley isn’t in pain and continues to exude joy to everyone around her.
We are on a new antibiotic Cefdinir, and have hope that this may clear the infection, but if it doesn’t.. we have a surgery date set for May 26th.
For an army of people going to battle for Finley in prayer. I am so thankful for every prayer uttered on her behalf. Thank you for interceding for her.