Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”
Sometimes God answers prayers immediately.. sometimes it takes months, years, decades to see the fruit of prayer. God has answered so many prayers for Finley I am overwhelmed and thankful. Without a doubt in my heart – I believe in the power of prayer. I have felt it. I will never be able to look at Finley and not be reminded of God’s power and love. God has taught me a lot this year and he continues to work in my heart and my life. Patience is something I lack. I struggle with trying to be more patient in many areas of my life. I hate being out of control, I hate waiting. In the last 20 months, I have had to do a lot of waiting. So much good has come from waiting. and trusting. That’s the biggie. Learning to wait, be patient and trust. Trust that it’s going to be ok. Trust that there is nothing I can do – but pray and give over control and fear. Have I learned this lesson yet?
Am I better at it? I think I have improved. Every day I work at it… some days I feel like I am doing good – some days…not so much. But I think that’s all of us.. and I think that’s ok.
Finley’s ultrasound was Tuesday and Dr J was called into emergency surgery so I had to wait until Wednesday afternoon to get the results. (Did I mention I hate waiting?) I assumed that there was nothing significantly wrong since the Chief of Radiology didn’t come in, and he always seems to come in and do his own scan when things have gone awry. I spoke to the Doctor on-call on Wednesday and he said that the ultrasound was pretty much the same as last time. No obvious signs of reherniation and her bile duct is the same size as before. 3x the normal size a common bile duct should be at this age. He reiterated what Dr J has been saying – could be a choledochal cyst, which is what they believe. But also could be nothing. She could continue to grow and if the duct remains the same size – it could eventually not be an issue if there is no cyst in there. They will just continue scanning her every 2-3 months until they are sure either way. Seems that the surgery is pretty major surgery so they wouldn’t do anything unless they were 100% sure. Meaning either she became symptomatic like before – or they see it clearly as a cyst and they think she is at an appropriate age/size for the intervention. Same message as before.
So no miraculous shrinkage yet. Does that mean I stop praying for that? Of course not. But I know this may not be how God want’s to handle this. We don’t always get the answer to prayer in exact way that we ask. God isn’t a magic wish granter, after all..
When I am not listening to the whispers of fear, I think I am hearing God say….just wait for me. I feel this peace that I don’t need to be worrying about this cyst. Either A. this means there is no cyst and time will reveal this. or B. God’s got it covered for how he is going to handle this. Most of the time I feel a peace about this. I feel like God is just trying to keep getting the message to me to wait. Trust in him. Be patient.