We are at an interesting spot in the waiting.. She may be getting at the end of it and getting better.. or there may still be infection and we may need to move towards PICC line/IV antibiotics and then surgery. Each day that this infection lingers, it points to the theory that it is in fact a mesh infection. Otherwise they think it should have cleared up more quickly. But it also could be almost all healed. The tricky thing about a Gortex mesh infection is that it doesn’t always show up on scans. They can see when there is a fluid sac/abscess.. but if it is just infection on the surface of the mesh – that doesn’t show up clearly, so they have to go by symptoms like the blood work and what they do see. We have this strange redness and oozing puss at the initial surgical repair site. When they opened it up and cleaned it out, there wasn’t much puss inside. So where is the puss coming from that is oozing out each day? The site is getting smaller and I think it looks slightly better, but maybe 30% better than before. The doctor couldn’t really tell until I showed him photos of the previous days. So it improving.. very slowly. Typically, this should have looked ALOT better already. So why isn’t it? It’s the unknowns that will drive you crazy. He added a silver-based material to put in the dressing that will promote topical healing, and we will stay on Bactrim for another week. The hives have stopped, thankfully. Then next Thursday we will see where we are, and decide if we start PICC line/IV or talk surgery. If it looks a lot better, than we can stay on antibiotics and take labs and hopefully be at the end of this journey.
I don’t want to face another surgery. Honestly, I am terrified of this prospect. As he explained to me, they would remove all the mesh inside of her, and since it is not a sterile field – they have limited options if they can’t repair her hernia with her existing tissue. They would take some muscle tissue from her side and use that. That makes it a more difficult surgery and it would also be done open, because of the many issues due to scar tissue. Currently, part of her spleen and part of her colon adhered to the mesh material. They would need to separate those organs from the mesh to remove it. Again, tricky. (I.E. Terrifying).
But then you look at her, and she doesn’t seem sick. She has weird joint pains that could be from the long term antibiotics.. but otherwise is pretty much her normal self.
I could be worrying about a surgery that will not happen. She could be getting better. She can kick out the infection just with antibiotics. God can continue to heal her. This may happen with or without surgery. Doctors have to always to prepare you for the worst case, what could come down the road, and it is so hard to see that road which is an intersection ahead, but not to get ahead. To stay exactly where we are and just keep praying. We have 7 more days to petition God that surgery wouldn’t be the avenue we take, and if it is – for him to go ahead and prepare the way for us. That it will be clear next week that she is improving. Praying for wisdom in these decisions and for the surgeons, or wisdom to push to stay the course with antibiotics. That God would continue to protect Finley and keep her healthy and safe.
Ironically, if you would have asked me the list of things that could happen with CDH that I was worrying about – this was not on the list. I didn’t even have this on my radar.
Peace is what I am trying to find… Clinging tightly to the Father, because I can’t do any of this by my strength. So if you could pray for this mama to not be scared too, I’d appreciate it. I will hold to peace today by staying out of what can come down the road, and stay right where we are.
“Peace, be still.. and know that I am God.”