I have posted this verse before, but it is one that continues to speak to my heart. Psalm 27:14 “Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.”
We waited 45 minutes to have Finley’s inital diagnosis of CDH confirmed (This was a HUGE blessing).
We waited 5 days for the FISH Amnio results telling us that Finley most likely did not have any other genetic abnormalities.
We waited about 2 weeks for the full amnio results which meant that Finley would have a 50% chance or survival instead of less than 10%.
We waited 5 months for Finley to arrive into this world.
We waited 19 days for her to be strong enough to have her 1st repair surgery. (This was the hardest, scariest waiting).
We waited 30 days to bring her home after her surgery.
We waited 12 hours before her second repair surgery.
We waited 7 days to bring her home again.
We waited 3 days to have have her first choledochal cyst surgery which ended up being cancelled because she stopped being symptomatic and it was no longer clear that that was what she had.
We have waited 12 months watching her “abnormal” bile duct praying for it’s healing.
We have waited 5 days and counting for the results of her MRCP to confirm (or negate) the choledochal cyst diagnosis.
I have waited and seen God do amazing things.
Some days I say I am getting good at waiting. But as many of you may know about me – I am not by nature a patient person. God is working on this in me. I have come to learn the lesson that the reason why God wants us to patiently wait for him, that it is in the waiting that we seek him. We fall to our knees and pray earnestly. We whisper those prayers hourly as we wait. We seek him and we find him in the waiting. When we aren’t waiting for something it is easy to fall in the misconception that we don’t need him to make it through each hour. We forget about our absolute reliance on him. It is in the waiting that we learn to see all the blessings. Each day of waiting for Finley’s birth I felt the blessing of my pregnancy. To feel her inside of me. I focused more on that than the aches and pains and normal complaints because I didn’t know if that was all I was going to get with her. I lived with the gratitude of each day of my pregnancy more so than I did with my first. With my first, I took for granted many things. I will never take health for granted again. Yesterday my children woke up many times through out the night and I was exhausted. But as I nursed Finley at 3am – I thanked God for the fact that I had my baby to wake me up many times throughout the night. This isn’t to say that I will never complain about things ever again.. but I have a perspective – a new set of lenses that I am now seeing my days through. Being thankful in all things. Our prayer warriors have once again went to battle for Finley and I am so thankful for all of you.
I spoke with Dr K late on Friday and he said that the MRCP was unclear and that the “cyst” was iffy. That we may just need to continue to watch it – but he needs to review all the scans (there are hundreds of images) with the Radiologist he trusts on Monday or Tuesday (he has been out the last 2 days). He wouldn’t say for sure, but it is looking like she MAY NOT need to have surgery scheduled for November/December as he had previously estimated. So we are still waiting. But I am also tentatively rejoicing. I am thankful for this unclarity because that means it is not clear that she has a cyst. We continue to pray, with thanksgiving.
Also praying for CDH babies Porter (for him to get to full feeds and be able to go home quickly), Jacob (recovering from his repair surgery), Alex (to get off the vent), and Rowan (for her lungs to grow).