Rough night….

The slow approach to Finley’s feeds was making her very grumpy and she wasn’t sleeping well yesterday now that she isn’t as medicated and it is very noisy here. She would just wail after finishing her 1 oz because she wanted more. The good news was she was keeping her feeds down. Overnight it was awful….by 10:30 PM after finishing her 1oz and I think being in my arms with me all smelling like food – she was just crying hysterically. I asked if we could give her more and they couldn’t. They really wanted to make sure she was ok and didn’t vomit anymore. So after many days of not sleeping well, seeing my baby in pain, and once again seeing my baby starving and not able to feed her (even though every muscle in my body ached to just disregard the order), and feeling bad that I can’t stop my baby crying when we have another baby and his parents in the room. I lost it. I just started crying right along with her. And not just tears running down your face crying, full on sobbing. A nurse came in and asked if they could take her from me so I could rest and moved our roommates out. I was able to sleep a few hours and then took her back and got another hour. Someone came in to do something and woke us at 5:45 AM  (and it was another hour until we could feed her) and I was not happy. Got her back to sleep and after this catnap.. I woke feeling much better. Then the doctors came by and gave their orders- she is doing good so if she can tolerate the next 2 feeds of 3 oz – we can go back to breastfeeding at will.

I am pretty sure the vomiting is because of her reflux, which seems to be worse right now.. hopefully as she acclimates being back on her meds, body heals, etc that will go back to where it was before.  Otherwise, lots more smiles and happier baby yesterday.

I asked the surgeons about her risk of reherniation which is greater now. The highest risk is until she is 15 months old, but any time you have plastic in a body and the body grows – the problem becomes that plastic doesn’t stretch and grow like tissue. We double our size in those first 2 years of life, that is when the most amount of growth happens in the human body. He made an interesting comment that no one has studied reherniation in depth.  That is shocking to me.  Why isn’t this an important area to follow, study and make improvements? The only good news is that they are making good advances in tissue generation, so one day they will be able to grow diaphragm from a person’s own cells (about 10 years off maybe).  My prayer is that if she does reherniate again, I hope it doesn’t happen until she is much older and they have this solution in place.

Thank you for all the uplifting comments and prayers yesterday – they really did encourage me.  Here’s hoping that we will be home by tomorrow……

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5 thoughts on “Rough night….”

  1. You are doing so great. You will be home soon! Can I bring you and your family dinner this week? Hang in there. Finley is so strong because she takes after her mama!

  2. Praying for a better day for all of you. Liz and Jon…..please let me know if you need anything (even if for Rowan/Nanny etc.). I can easily drop anything off. Luv You guys. Hang in there today. Praise God for the smallest things like a smile or a grin. Praying for nursing to begin and go well as needed.

    Luv Les
    PS. Shoot me a text anytime if you need something

  3. Please know you continue to be in our prayers. It is good that you were able to release some of your pent-up emotions! You have had a heavy load to carry and as we pray for you, we wish we could carry some of it for you. We know we can not. In the meantime, please know you and your family are being laid at the feet of Jesus.

    Liz, you know the Lord is your strength and your refuge. It helps me when times are tough to personalize the 23rd Psalm:
    “The Lord is Liz’s shepherd, she shall lack nothing.
    He makes her lie down in green pastures, He leads Liz beside quiet waters, he restores her soul. He guides Liz in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though Liz walks through the valley of the shadow of death, she will fear no evil for you are with Liz; your rod and your staff they comfort her. You prepare a table before Liz in the presence of her enemies. You anoint Liz’s head with oil; her cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow her all the days of Liz’s life and she will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
    May these words help you to find comfort and peace during this segment of your journey.

    God Bless, Janice P (Esther’s aunt)

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