The slow approach to Finley’s feeds was making her very grumpy and she wasn’t sleeping well yesterday now that she isn’t as medicated and it is very noisy here. She would just wail after finishing her 1 oz because she wanted more. The good news was she was keeping her feeds down. Overnight it was awful….by 10:30 PM after finishing her 1oz and I think being in my arms with me all smelling like food – she was just crying hysterically. I asked if we could give her more and they couldn’t. They really wanted to make sure she was ok and didn’t vomit anymore. So after many days of not sleeping well, seeing my baby in pain, and once again seeing my baby starving and not able to feed her (even though every muscle in my body ached to just disregard the order), and feeling bad that I can’t stop my baby crying when we have another baby and his parents in the room. I lost it. I just started crying right along with her. And not just tears running down your face crying, full on sobbing. A nurse came in and asked if they could take her from me so I could rest and moved our roommates out. I was able to sleep a few hours and then took her back and got another hour. Someone came in to do something and woke us at 5:45 AM (and it was another hour until we could feed her) and I was not happy. Got her back to sleep and after this catnap.. I woke feeling much better. Then the doctors came by and gave their orders- she is doing good so if she can tolerate the next 2 feeds of 3 oz – we can go back to breastfeeding at will.
I am pretty sure the vomiting is because of her reflux, which seems to be worse right now.. hopefully as she acclimates being back on her meds, body heals, etc that will go back to where it was before. Otherwise, lots more smiles and happier baby yesterday.
I asked the surgeons about her risk of reherniation which is greater now. The highest risk is until she is 15 months old, but any time you have plastic in a body and the body grows – the problem becomes that plastic doesn’t stretch and grow like tissue. We double our size in those first 2 years of life, that is when the most amount of growth happens in the human body. He made an interesting comment that no one has studied reherniation in depth. That is shocking to me. Why isn’t this an important area to follow, study and make improvements? The only good news is that they are making good advances in tissue generation, so one day they will be able to grow diaphragm from a person’s own cells (about 10 years off maybe). My prayer is that if she does reherniate again, I hope it doesn’t happen until she is much older and they have this solution in place.
Thank you for all the uplifting comments and prayers yesterday – they really did encourage me. Here’s hoping that we will be home by tomorrow……