When you have a sick child you are over powered with feelings of helplessness… As parents, we are hard wired to protect our children. To comfort them when hurting, sad, angry. Feed them, keep them warm, take care of all their needs. Then something happens and you find your child sick and especially if they are very young and unable to communicate exactly what is bothering them – it becomes heartbreaking for a parent. You don’t know what to do to make them feel better. You don’t what is wrong. You play guessing games trying to figure out the whys and are completely powerless. I know I am not alone. Many others have walked this path and their words comfort me. I know I am not alone, as many friends are in the same place right now. Some with CDH babies, some with children battling cancer, some other medical issues. It is the scariest, worst thing that I think a parent ever has to face. So in the face of my powerlessness- I turn to the one that in control and wants to comfort us as his children. I am heavy of heart today… I know not going home today is not a setback – just a reminder that we can’t rush healing. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
After Finley vomited a few times after feeds yesterday, they put her on NPO (nothing) to let her stomach rest. They did let her have 15ml this AM and that seems to be staying put. We will resume feeding by bottle later today to see if a slower approach will be better tolerated. I just pray that the vomiting is just her telling us that her body wasn’t ready to eat normally yet and not that she has reherniated. That is the big, ugly fear in the back of my mind. The X-rays and blood work didn’t show anything alarming so it is very likely that the vomiting is just telling us to slow down. If she continues to vomit through, they will need to do ultrasounds for a closer look. She really is only between 3 and 4 days out from a major surgery – I need to relax and not worry about the worst.. but that is not my nature. I worry. I am a worrier. Pray for Finley and for me today. And pray for all the other parents in hospital rooms or elsewhere worrying about their sick kids. May God take the worry and replace it with the peace and calm. If I didn’t pray right now, I would go absolutely crazy. It is the air I breathe.
So that was your glimpse into my thoughts this morning.