I think one of the hardest things to do when faced with a diagnosis that there is something wrong with your fetus is figuring out how to feel and act for the remainder of your pregnancy. As a person who naturally expects the worst case scenario, or likes to prepare for it – it is hard to reconcile that with trying to be excited about the upcoming birth. Even though I WANT the best case outcome – a part of myself kept guarding and in some ways preparing for the negative. Do I have a baby shower or not? I finally decided yes – I want to celebrate every moment I have with Finley. A dear friend, and chaplain at OHSU asked me what if I believe with all my heart and trust that God is a God of miracles and what if I just walk in faith that Finley will be healed. To completely walk in faith and just hold to that is me completely giving over my heart to God and trusting in him to take care of us. And afterall, isn’t that what he is looking for? For a control freak like myself, that is a challenge. But this is exactly how I want to feel for the next 13 weeks. My friend prayed with me and that is now another of my daily prayers – for me to be able to let go of the worry and just to trust in God’s power and might. Thank you Cody.
I pulled Rowan from preschool registration for the Fall today because from all the I have read, once Finley is able to come home we will have to be on germ lock down – which means preschool is out for now. I had been on the fence about making a decision now, but just decided that Finley IS coming home – so why wait to drop her? Walking in faith.
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength (or translated Rock) of my heart and my portion forever.”